Measure of a Man
by just slummin
Summary: Sequel to Hostages to Fortune. Mal and River face an enemy that threatens to destroy them both.
1. Chapter 1

**Measure of a Man**

**Part I—The Wedding**

Author: justslummin

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. Would that I did!

Author's Note: This story takes place some months after the events of "Hostages to Fortune." You don't have to read those first, but there are references in the story to those events.

Rating: T

Summary: Simon wants to meet Kaylee's folks, and Mal and River decide to tie the knot.

XXXXXX

"Tell me, Mr. Reynolds, what comes to your mind when you hear the words 'Serenity Valley'?"

Mal awoke, cold sweat dripping down his brow and chest. River, trained now by months of practice, reached out soothing hands to calm him. The nightmares courtesy of his encounter with BlueSun somehow held more intensity than his old ones had. Perhaps because they incorporated old memories and new horrors so well, the effect was doubly disturbing.

Placing his hands lightly atop River's across his heart, he felt his pulse slow to a healthier rhythm. "Sorry, bao bei. Didn't mean to wake you."

River molded her body more closely to his. "'Salright," she slurred, slipping back into slumber.

Mal lay listening to the sound of her breathing, feeling the gentle rise and fall of her breasts against his side. He couldn't count how many nights he'd awakened her like this, but he suspected she would know exactly if he was of a mind to ask. He knew that she was watching him always like a hawk, and once upon a time, he would have resented the intrusion. But somehow he couldn't fault her for her concern. She had given him every reason to be open and honest with her about his experience with BlueSun. But Mal was by nature an intensely private man, and though he loved River to the point of distraction, the most painful of his experiences would remain his alone. And River, to her credit, did not demand any confidence he was unwilling to share. Brushing his lips lightly across her forehead, Mal slipped back into sleep.

XXXXX

"I've been thinking," Simon began, fiddling with the loose button on the bottom of his vest, "that maybe I'd like to meet your folks, ai ren."

Kaylee looked out from under Serenity's engine, eyes wide with surprise. "You pullin' my leg, Simon?" she asked suspiciously.

"No…no, not at all. I just thought , well, you know, we've been together awhile now and I'd like to meet your parents. But if you don't want me to, we can just…"

"No honey, it ain't that I don't want you to. It's just that ya' sorta sprung the idea on me. I mean, why'd you wanna…"

Simon interrupted her abruptly. "I love you, Kaywinnet Lee Frye, and I'd like to meet the people who brought you into the 'verse. Can we just leave it at that?"

Kaylee jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. "'S'okay by me, honey, long as Cap'n says all right."

Somehow, Simon had failed to think his plan through beyond gaining Kaylee's approval. He sighed, wondering how to get the idea past Mal.

XXXXX

Mal sat at his desk in his bunk, working on the ship's accounts. It was not a job he enjoyed, what with the need to keep the real set and a set designed to pass Alliance inspection, but it was one of those Captainy things he had to do.

It was easier to feed six crew members than nine, and he noted with some degree of satisfaction that there was still a little coin left even after the latest round of parts Kaylee had replaced on Serenity. So, he was in a fairly pleasant frame of mind when he heard the knock at his door.

"Ching jin," he called out, leaning back in his chair to see his visitor. He was surprised to see Simon's legs descending the ladder. It was a rare thing for Simon to enter here, unless Mal was recovering from some injury and needed medical attention. Simon fidgeted by the ladder, clearly uncomfortable.

Mildly curious, Mal asked, "What can I do for ya', doc?"

Clearing his throat, Simon answered, "I'd like to request a leave of absence, and I'd like to take Kaylee with me."

"Really," Mal said blandly. "For how long?"

"I think about three weeks should do just fine," Simon said earnestly.

"And what makes you think I'd be willin' to do without my mechanic and my medic for three whole weeks?"

"Actually, now is the perfect time." Simon began to plead his case. "Kaylee's just finished installing all the new engine parts, so there should be no problem with Serenity. No one is currently injured or sick, and the next job you've got lined up is actually legitimate cargo transport, so there shouldn't be any shooting, stabbing, or maiming this time."

"Sounds like you've given this some thought. Where exactly would you be wantin' to go?"

"I'd like to take Kaylee home."

"To Osiris?" Mal asked in surprise.

"Not my home. Hers. I'd like to meet Kaylee's family." 

"Oh," Mal said, comprehension dawning. "You aimin' to have a talk with her Pa?"

Simon blushed profusely, but held his ground. "I imagine I'll be talking with her entire family if I stay there for three weeks," he said stiffly.

Mal suppressed a chuckle. "I'd imagine so," he agreed. "and what brought on this sudden notion?"

Simon sighed, knowing Mal was simply toying with him at this point. But he thought he might as well be honest with this man, since they were practically brothers-in-law. "It's just that I've never known anyone like Kaylee. She' so certain about the 'verse and her place in it. Even with all that's happened, all she's seen, she's till so full of hope and love." He paused, "And joy in living." He looked at Mal. "How does she do that?"

The teasing manner gone from his voice, Mal answered, "Ain't rightly sure, doc. But I'm grateful she does."

"I want to see where she came from, meet the people who helped shape her into what she is. Dong ma?" Simon asked hopefully.

"Dang ran," Mal replied. "We're only about tow days out from Harvest. Conjure we could make a little side trip to drop you off. Maybe the rest of us can even go dirtside for the day. Harvest is a right nice spot, best as I recall."

"Thank you, Captain," Simon said, turning to leave.

Mal couldn't resist a final comment. "Hope you're still of a mind to thank me after that talk with Kaylee's Pa."

Simon climbed out of the bunk to the sound of Mal's laughter.

XXXXX

Simon was more than a little apprehensive when Serenity's ramp was lowered to reveal a small army of Frye relations milling about the docking area. When they caught sight of Kaylee, the crowd surged forward eagerly, surrounding the couple with assorted brothers, aunts, uncles, and cousins all jostling for the closest spot.

Standing arm in arm with River surveying the scene, Mal smiled in amusement as the diminutive Mrs. Frye parted the crowd to embrace her daughter.

"We're mighty pleased you could see yer way clear to bring our lil' Kaylee for a vist, Cap'n Reynolds," said Mr. Frye, shaking Mal's hand heartily. "We ain't got much, but what we got's yourn long as you and yer crew would care to stay."

"I thank you kindly for your hospitality, but we got business to tend to. We'll likely onlu be able to stay the day."

"Mrs. Frye'll be none too pleased with that answer. She's done got 'nough cooked to feed ya' for least a week."

Mal laughed. "Well, Jayne's with us, so I conjure that's not like to be a problem."

The happy crowd made its way to the Frye home, Mal and River bringing up the rear. Observing River's radiant smile as her turned her face to the sun, Mal said, "You look all kinds of happy today, darlin'."

"Oh, I am," river replied. "This is a good place. And Simon will find a family here."

"Thought he had a family with us."

River sighed softly. "Will have more. Simon needs more."

"It's good he'll have 'em then," Mal said. "And do you need more?"

River stood on her toes to reach his lips. "Got all I need right here."

Mal took her hand, looking thoughtfully at his ring on her finger. "You know, bao bei, there's bound to be a preacher or a magistrate somewhere in this towm. How ould you feel about a wedding today?"

River looked at him incredulously. Mal thought, suddenly flustered, that he may have just made a mistake. "That is, less'n you'd like somethin' a little more…formal."

River looked pointedly at her bare feet on the dirt road. "In case you hadn't noticed, Captain Reynolds, I don't usually stand on ceremony."

Mal grinned and swung her up into his arms. "Matter of fact, I believe I had noticed that about you, bao bei." Setting her back down, he said, "Guess we'd better let our hosts know where we're goin', then."

XXXXX

When they arrived at the Frye home, Kaylee's mother would hear none of Mal's plans. "You'll not be walkin' this slip of a girl into town in the heat of the day." Turning to one of her younger sons, she instructed, "Tommy, you go saddle up one of the horses for Captain Reynolds."

Ignoring Mal's objections, she continued," Preacher Johnson lives in the white house with the little picket fence this side of town. He's married and buried two generations of Fryes right here, and I 'spect he'll come quick enough if'n you tell him there's fried chicken and buttermilk biscuits waitin' on him after."

Mal could see he had no hope of winning this argument. "I thank you kindly ma'am," he said, bowing slightly.

"Get on with ya', so's we can get your lady ready," she said, green eyes twinkling with merriment. "There's work to be done."

When Mal left, she turned her sharp eyes on River. "Where are yer shoes, girl?" she asked in astonishment.

Kaylee quickly came to River's defense. "Ma, some folks ain't all that fond of shoes," she said, putting her arm across River's shoulders.

"Don't be takin' that snippy tone with me, baby girl. I was only askin'. I got nothin' as will fit then feet anyways."

"I've got a nice pair of combat boots back at the ship," River said sweetly.

"Good lord, child, that's worse than bare feet. Mebbe we can find ya' a skirt long enough to hide 'em, at least." So saying, she led River up the stairs into the attic. Lifting the lid of a huge old cedar chest, she gently held up a beautiful old dress, slightly yellowed with age, but covered in lace and intricate beadwork.

"I weren't much bigger than you when I married Mr. Frye," she said, a softness in her voice at the memory. "If'n you'd like, I could run up a couple of side seams and I think it would fit ya' just fine."

River looked at her, eyes bright with unshed tears. " I think that would be lovely," she said, impulsively hugging Kaylee's mother.

"Okay then, lil' one," Mrs. Frye said, her own voice a little shaky. "Don't dawdle now. Get yerself cleaned up and I'll send Kaylee down with the dress in a minute."

XXXXX

After a quick detour to Serenity to pick up the rings he'd had hidden since their trip to Greenleaf, Mal arrived back with Preacher Johnson in tow. He was amazed at the transformation in the house. Large vases of roses picked fresh from Mrs. Frye's garden adorned the small tables and mantel over the old fireplace. The wonderful smells of home cooking wafted from the kitchen, causing his mouth to water. All the Frye kinfolk crowded into the room and down the hallway.

Mrs. Frye quickly directed the proceedings, ordering Preacher Johnson to stand by the fireplace. Pushing Mal into position in front of him, she said, "Now who's to stand with ya' Captain?"

Zoe stepped forward, the picture of dignity and composure. Jayne stood awkwardly to her other side, as Mal slipped her the rings for safekeeping.

Kaylee and Simon came to stand on the other side of the preacher. Then a hush fell over the usually noisy brood, as River descended slowly down the stairs.

Mal could hardly breathe as he looked at her. Her hair was up in some sort of wildly feminine arrangement, with tiny rosebuds entwined in her dark tresses. She wore a breath-taking dress, and just peeking out beneath her skirts were those wonderful bare toes that were all River. He knew the sight would be burned into his memory forever. She smiled softly, taking his arm to face the preacher.

Mal didn't hear most of the ceremony, lost as he was in the unfamiliar sensation of utter happiness. He thought of his own Mama, and how she would have loved this woman beside him. And he thought about the woman standing to his left, and how she stood there always through everything in his life. But mostly, he thought of River, the name sending pleasure down his spine and deep into his soul. And when the Preacher asked, he vowed before God and man to love and cherish her always, a vow he fully intended to keep.

To be continued. Warning: Angst ahead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Measure of a Man**

**Part II—The Cabin**

Author: justslummin

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me.

Rating:T

Summary: Mal and Simon talk, and the happy couple settles in for the night.

XXXXX

Mal and Simon stood, arms folded, side by side, watching River twirling happily in the arms of one of Kaylee's more enthusiastic cousins.

"She really is a gift, you know," Simon said.

"I'm well aware of that, Simon," Mal answered truthfully. After a moment, he added, "Didn't mean to steal your thunder back at the house. Intended to take River to town to stand before a magistrate, quiet-like. But, Mrs. Frye ain't one to be denied once she decides a thing."

"I'm noticing that," Simon said, smiling. "I expect I'll deal with plenty of thunder in the next three weeks."

Mal smiled at the thought. "Ya' want me to leave ya' with a comm in case you need rescuin'?"

"Thank you, but no. I'll try to muddle through."

Mal shrugged his shoulders. "Your choice, doc. But I can't say I envy ya' none."

Kaylee came up, rosy-cheeked and glowing in the light of the bonfire. She hugged Mal tightly. "You did good tofay, Cap'n. That's one happy woman dancin' out there."

"No more happy than me, mei mei," Mal replied, kissing her forehead. "So, you think the Frye family's ready for three weeks of the good doctor, here?"

"I 'spect they're ready if he is." She winked at Simon. "What'da ya' say we show 'em your smooth dance moves, Doctor Tam?" And she pulled him out into the chaos of the dancing couples.

Kaylee's father moved to take Simon's place at Mal's side. "My baby girl looks to be mighty happy with your young medic, Cap'n."

Mal nodded. "He's a good man. Loves Kaylee something fierce, I'm thinkin'."

Mr. Frye sighed. "Seems like yesterday I was teachin' her the first little thing 'bout engines, and now she's all growed up and bringin' home a beau. 'Spect next thing'll be plannin' a weddin'."

Mal laughed. "I conjure Mrs. Frye will know just what to do if'n that comes up. She's a right wonder at it."

Mr. Frye smiled. "That reminds me of what I came ta' say to ya'. The missus thinks it's getting' a little late in the evenin' to be startin' on yer journey. Zoe and Jayne are welcome to stay at the house tonight. You and Mrs. Reynolds can stay in the cabin at the edge of the property. It's a little ways in the woods, but Mrs. Frye thought ya' might like the privacy. She went down there directly after supper to get it presentable for ya'."

"I'm obliged to you for your kindness and hospitality, Mr. Frye," Mal said, the words 'Mrs. Reynolds' echoing pleasantly in his head.

"Weren't a trouble in the 'verse, Cap'n. You've brung my baby girl back to me safe, and I'm beholden to ya' for it. Glad to be able to give somethin' in return." He shook Mal's hand firmly. "I hope you and your missus will be as happy as myself and Mrs. Frye have always been. A good woman is a gift, sure enough. But," Mr. Frye hesitated for just a moment, "would ya' mind a little advice from one married man to another?"

Mal cocked an eyebrow. "What's that, sir?"

"Well, seein' as how you're leavin' come mornin', ya' might want to think on takin' yer wife on home for the evenin'. Ya' know, it's sorta special-like to the womenfolk on their weddin' night."

"That's advice I'll gladly take," Mal said with a smile.

XXXXX

After several more dances with Kaylee's assorted kinfolk, two dances with a surprisingly graceful Jayne, and one last dance with Simon, River found Mal standing under the boughs of a sycamore tree on the edge of the clearing.

"What are you doing over here, ai ren?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his midsection.

"Just watchin' and waitin' for my wife," Mal said, his arms encircling her waist. "Mrs. Frye thought we might like a little privacy in a cabin 'bout a mile that way," he said, indicating a small path beside a little running stream. "Said to follow the stream, and we couldn't miss it."

River giggled. "Mrs. Frye is just full of all sorts of advice this evening."

"That so," Mal said, intrigued. "Anything you'd care to share?"

"She said a lot about sharing, as a matter of fact. Quite specific about things we can share, now that we're legally married and all." River's eyes sparkled in the light of the full moon.

Mal held her closer still. "You gonna tell me, or do I have to guess?" he whispered against her neck, biting down gently.

"Neither," River answered, a little breathless in his embrace. "Much rather show you when we get there."

"Sounds like a plan," Mal answered, releasing her reluctantly. "Think you can walk it after all that dancin'?"

River rolled her eyes. "Think you could stop me from getting to that cabin now, ai ren?"

His only answer was a low chuckle as he took her hand and started into the woods.

XXXXX

Kaylee bit her lower lip, trying to find a way to break the news to Simon. He sat happily leaning against the trunk of a tree with her head resting on his chest.

"You seem a little tense, ai ren," he observed, running expert hands across the muscles of her back and shoulders.

She looked up at him, the worry in her eyes causing him to lose his tranquil mood. "Oh sweetie," she said, willing him to understand, "I gotta tell ya' somethin', and you're not gonna like it one little bit."

Simon pulled away, so he could see her face more clearly. "What is it, Kaylee? Are you okay?"

The whole story came tumbling out of Kaylee in one breath. "Well, since Jayne and Zoe's stayin' at the house tonight, Daddy said you gotta bunk with Jayne. Then Ma said that when they leave tomorrow, yo gotta bunk with Tommy and Pete., and I gotta bunk with Liza Jane. And when I told 'em I didn't like the way of it…"Kaylee paused, gathering a deep breath. "Ma said that long's we're under their roof, we'll be sleepin' separate less'n we got weddin' papers they don't know 'bout." Looking up at Simon, her eyes were round as saucers.

Simon's brain had slowed to a crawl at the mention of bunking with Jayne, so it took a moment for him to catch up. Finally, he asked, "You mean to say we can't…be together…for three whole weeks?"

"I'm so sorry, sweetie, but it's Daddy's rules. And he's a real stickler for 'bidin' by 'em too."

"I don't doubt it," Simon said, glumly re-thinking his whole want-to-meet-the-parents idea. Sweet Ye Su, he thought, three whole, long, miserable weeks!"

XXXXX

Arriving at the cabin, Mal swung River up into his arms to cross the threshold. Setting her down gently on the other side, he captured her mouth, bending her backward in his arms.

She responded eagerly, allowing his tongue entrance. They stood locked together, lips and tongues losing their separate boundaries until, starved for air, they pulled apart.

"I'm thinkin' we're way overdressed for this here shindig," Mal said, breathing heavily. He reached to find the fastenings on River's dress, but she batted his hands away.

"Let me do it, ai ren," she said. "Mrs. Frye would kill you if you tore it." She quickly undid the small buttons running down the length of her back, and carefully laid the dress aside. Turning to Mal, she was pleased to see he'd used his time wisely, removing his own clothes as well. She stood for a moment, drinking in the sight of him, lean and muscular in the lamplight. She licked her lips in anticipation.

Fixated on those lips, Mal closed the distance between them, pulling her up and over his groin. He began to nip at her mouth and neck, gently licking and sucking the marks he knew he was leaving. He wanted to mark her as his, possess her as she possessed him. Feeling her wetness pooling against his own arousal, he pulled her onto him allowing her to sink slowly onto his length. She arched against him, letting out a mewl of pleasure. Desperate to be more deeply inside her, he braced her against him, and moved them to the bed. Angling her ankles over his shoulders, he kissed his way to her thighs and then sank blessedly into her welcoming folds. Holding still for a moment, he looked into her smoldering eyes.

"Who are you, bao bei, that you've done this to me?" he whispered huskily.

Contracting her inner muscles around him, willing him to move inside her, she answered, "I'm Mrs. Reynolds."

Mal's blue eyes held an intensity she'd never seen there, even in their most intimate moments. "Bao bei, I want you to read me now," he whispered, beginning to move his hips in a rhythm designed to drive them both to the edge.

As he thrust into her deeper and deeper, River read him, seeing in his mind the strength of his love, and the depth of his desire. Matching his need with her own, she danced through doors he opened to her, giving herself to his wants and needs and fantasies, and offering up her own in return. And through the long night, they learned, each from the other, what it was to be truly known, to be made whole in the act of sharing body and soul. Finally, satiated and spent, they lay entwined, sleeping the dreamless sleep of the reborn.

XXXXX

"When you figure they'll get here?" Jayne asked Zoe for the third time, spearing yet another of Mrs. Frye's hotcakes onto his fork. "It's almost eight o'clock, and here we sit with a job needs doin', waitin' on 'em."

Zoe looked at him impassively. "If you ask me that again, I'm liable to have to kill you."

"No need to get ornery with me," Jayne grumbled. "I ain't the one holdin' us up."

"Jayne," Kaylee said, "ain't you got any feelin's at all? Cap'n and River need some time to celebrate."

"Seems to me they been 'celebratin' pretty much regular for the past year," Jayne said.

Simon groaned. "Could we not talk about this anymore, please?"

"Aw, hell, you're just ticked 'cause you ain't gonna be doin' any 'celebratin' with Kaylee while you're on this rock."

"Jayne," Zoe warned, before Simon could respond.

Just then. Mal and River walked in hand-in-hand.

"Morning, sir," Zoe said. "We're just finishing breakfast, but if you'd like some…"

"No need, Zoe. Mrs. Frye was kind enough to send Liza Jane out to the cabin with some this morning. We came to say our good-byes to the Fryes. You know where they might be?"

Kaylee piped up. "They're always in the garden this time of day, before it gets too hot."

"Tahnks, mei mei. We'll find 'em." Mal, turning at the door, called back, "Bet be getting' ready to leave. We're burning daylight here."

Jayne looked mournfully at his fifth stack of hotcakes. "So now he's in a hurry."

True to Kaylee's prediction, Mal found her parents busily working in their large vegetable garden. Expressing his thanks for everything they'd done, he said his good-byes.

"May as well stay while you're in good company," Mrs. Frye said, wiping the sweat off her brow.

"Wish we could ma'am, but there's work waiting for us. We'll be back soon enough for Kaylee and the doc. Can't do without 'em for long at the time."

"Nest time, you plan to stay a spell, ya' hear?" Mr. Frye called out as Mal walked back with River to the house. Mal waved in answer, as River went inside to say good-bye to Simon.

"I'll miss you , Simon," she said, hugging him tightly. "Love you."

"Me too, mei mei," Simon said, finding it harder that he had imagined to smile. "Be careful and don't let Mal get you killed while I'm away."

River laughed. "You're the one likely to die when Mr. Frye realizes what you've been doing with his daughter."

"You are such a brat!" Simon said, as Mal came into the house to collect her. Shaking Simon's hand and embracing Kaylee tightly, Mal promised to return in thre weeks.

Then together, Mal, River, Zoe, and Jayne made their way back to Serenity, unaware that an enemy had joined them.

To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

**Measure of a Man**

**Part III—The Enemy**

Author: justslummin

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters.

Rating: T

Summary: The crew discovers just how indispensable Simon really is.

XXXXX

Pushing Serenity as far as he dared without Kaylee on board to fix anything he broke, Mal made it without incident to the rendezvous point for picking up the cargo.

After the cargo was properly secured and River had plotted their course for the drop-off on Paquin, Mal began to relax. He figured the five-day trip would be peaceful enough, and it would be an easy haul back to Harvest to pick up Kaylee and the doctor. Thinking of nothing he'd rather do than make love to his young wife, he headed up to the bridge.

River sat with her eyes closed, leaning back against the pilot's chair.

"Can't see to steer this boat with your eyes closed, woman," Mal said, stooping to kiss her forehead.

It was warm, he thought, much warmer than it should be. "You feelin' okay, darlin'?"

"Not really," River said listlessly. "Couldn't keep breakfast nor lunch down. And my head hurts."

"You feel a mite feverish to me, bao bei. Go on to bed and I'll take this watch," Mal said.

River moved slowly, as if through water. "Sorry, ai ren," she said, "I probably just need some rest."

"I'll be down to check on you later," Mal said, trying to hide the unease that was sliding along his spine.

By the end of the day, there was no need to hide his apprehension. Zoe and Jayne had also been waylaid by the mysterious illness. High fevers and a complete inability to hold down anything they ate or drank seemed to be the symptoms as best as Mal could tell.

Mal moved tiredly between bunks, administering anti-nausea and fever reduction meds to everyone. It was worrying that Zoe had fallen ill. To his knowledge, she was never sick unless she'd just lost a war and was starving to death in an internment camp. And even then, she'd been healthier than a lot of their companions. Come to think of it, he'd never seen Jayne sick either, unless he counted a hang-over as sickness. But the man was definitely sick now.

River, however, seemed the most afflicted. Her fever was higher than that of the others, and she was more violently ill. Mal hoped there was a decent doctor on Paquin.

Two days out of Paquin, Mal awoke on the bridge with a sledge-hammer headache and a high fever. Simon, not expecting an epidemic among the crew, had stocked only a small supply of meds for fever reduction, and Mal had dispensed that last of those to the rest of the crew the day before.

Staggering slightly, he made his way to the crew quarters to check on everyone else. Coming to Zoe's room first, he entered to find her lying listlessly on the bed, still burning with fever. "Zoe," Mal croaked, "Can you sit up to drink some water?"

"Don't know as it'll do any good, sir ' she replied. "Haven't kept down more than a sip since…" She paused in confusion. "I don't know when," she finished lamely.

"Gotta keep tryin; though." Mal helped her sit up, the effort making his sore bones protest.

"You're not lookin' so good yourself, sir," Zoe said, noting the stiff way he held himself.

"I'm fine, Zoe. You know I ain't never sick." She was not convinced, but, too tired to point out the obvious, she sipped slowly from the cup her held. "Thank you, sir," she said, sliding back down to lay her head on the pillow. She closed her eyes, hoping to stop the pounding in her head, and the nausea that had become more insistent as the cool water slid down her throat.

"I'll be back later to check on you again," Mal said, wincing at the pain in his own head.

When he checked on Jayne, the big man was sleeping. Mal figured that could only be a good sign. Maybehaps Jayne would recover in time to nurse him back to health, he thought wearily.

Easing his way down into his bunk, he was startled to see River, huddled in a corner, muttering to herself. Getting closer, he realized she was hallucinating. Unsure whether it was a product of her fever or of residual effects of Academy handiwork she experienced from time to time, he tried to calm her.

After a long while, she slept. Grateful for the temporary respite, Mal lay beside her on the bed, and fell asleep himself. The sound of the proximity alarm jolted him awake. A wave of nausea caused him to lose the last meager meal he'd had. Lurching up the stairs and onto the bridge, he was startled to see Zoe standing behind the pilot's chair, her hand resting lightly on its back.

"It'a all right, sir," she said calmly, turning fever-glazed eyes to him. "Wash'll handle it. Nobody flies like my mister."

For a sickening moment, Mal thought that either he or Zoe had gone insane. Then her remembered River's condition, and realized that Zoe's fever was casuing her to hallucinate too.

Turning as quickly as his stiff neck would allow, Mal turned off the alarm and steered around the debris that had caused it. Re-setting the auto-pilot, he gently led Zoe back to her bunk.

Jayne, too, began to have hallucinations about Reavers and the like. And Mal became unsure of his own perceptions. Searing pain spiked through his head each time he opened his eyes, but somebody had to pilot the ship, and as far as he could tell, he was the only one not hallucinating.

Landing on Paquin the next day, he found that there was no doctor. That meant, he thought, that the closest doctor was Simon, five days away on Harvest with Kaylee. He was afraid his crew might not make it that long.

Having no other choice, he set course for Harvest, and began his endless rounds of caretaking again. Two days out of Harvest, Zoe seemed rational, and her fever broke. Still unable to drink anything other than clear broth, she was unsteady on her feet, but a welcome sight to Mal.

The next day, Jayne, weak as a newborn kitten, made his way out of his bunk. That night, Mal slept without the necessity of waking every couple of hours to check on the ship's course or the ailing crew.

But in the morning, he was alarmed to find that River, still hot with fever, could not be awakened. Her breathing was shallow and labored. "River," he yelled, shaking her at first gently and then more forcefully, "Wake up, bao bei." There was no response.

"Zoe," he called over the comm., "how far are we from Harvest?"

"We're there sir."

"Good. Set down right now. River's unconscious." Mal's heart was banging painfully against his chest wall.

"Can't do that, sir," Zoe's voice filtered like a bad dream into the room. "There are Alliance cruisers patrolling the area. They say Harvest in quarantined."

XXXXX

"I sympathize with your troubles, Captain Reynolds, but there can be no exceptions. No one comes or goes from Harvest until this contagion is contained," the Alliance officer repeated.

Mal's last nerve was at the snapping point. "I don't think you do understand. Judging from the symptoms you describe, my crew was infected on this planet, and our only medic's down there probably helpin' your people right now." Mal paused, exhausted from the effort of trying to maintain his temper. "And my wife is lying here unconscious, without proper medical care. So, I'm askin'…no, make that beggin' ya' , let our ship land. We need help now. Please."

The Alliance officer thought for a long moment. "If I allow you to land here, you do realize I'll have to impound your ship until the quarantine is lifted, dong ma?"

Mal nodded impatiently. "You can have the gorram ship. Just get my wife some help."

The officer nodded slightly. "All right, Captain Reynolds. Stand by for docking orders.

XXXXX

Unsure Jayne could make the trip on foot, Mal sent him on the mule to get Simon. Zoe began to wade through the bureaucractic tangle of landing in a restricted area, while Mal oversaw River's transport to the temporary medical facility set up at the docks. He had not checked the cortex for current warrants, so he could only pray that River's warrants had not been re-issued. The chaos of the scene led him to hope that the medical staff might be harried enough not to be running proper ident scans.

With typical inefficiency, River had been left on a stretcher outside the temporary shelter, and Mal hoped Simon would get there before she was swallowed up in the vast machinery of the Alliance medical establishment. Holding her limp hand in his own, he watched the road anxiously.

Finally, Simon arrived. Mal was shocked by his disheveled appearance. Usually immaculately groomed, Simon had apparently not shaved for some few days. And judging from the dark bruising under his eyes, not slept either.

"Tell me everything that's happened," he ordered brusquely, walking past Mal to examine River.

Nodding at Mal's story, he asked, "And when's the last time she had any meds?"

"Ran out eight days ago."

Calling for an orderly, Simon finally looked at Mal grimly. "I've got to get her inside. See what kind of damage has been done."

Mal could barely push the words past his lips. "She gonna be okay doc?"

"I have no idea." The blunt answer shook Mal to the core.

When the orderly arrived, Mal's entrance to the facility was blocked by two guards. Simon said, "It's all right. He's the husband. Let him through."

"I don't care if he's the king of Londinium, he doesn't get through unless he's medical personnel."

Simon turned to Mal. "We don't have time for this. I'll be with her. I'll come and get you as soon as I know something."

Mal, too wek from fever to really resist, let them go.

XXXXX

Some time later, Zoe found Mal slumped on a bench at the entrance to the facility. She sat down beside him, bones aching from the aftermath of the fever.

"Ship secure?" Mal asked.

"landlocked until the quarantine's ove, sir. But the paperwork's in order, so it shouldn't be a problem."

Mal nodded absently.

"Sir, best you be getting' some rest now. You ain't well."

"I ain't leavin' her, Zoe."

Sighing, Zoe nodded her acknowledgement and sat back to wait. Jayne, who had gone back to the Frye home to offer any help needed, found them on the same bench an hour later.

"Any news?" he asked, filled with an uncomfortableness when he saw Mal's face.

"None yet," Zoe answered.

Jayne sat on the bench beside Mal. "Kaylee's folks done lost two grandbabies to this thing. Nuryin' 'em today. Kaylee'll be along after the funeral Some folks out there said 'bout three hundred's dead that they know of." At Mal's stricken expression, he added quickly, "'Course most of 'em was babies or old folk."

An awkward silence fell, and the three waited together in the awful quiet.

XXXXX

Kaylee arrived late in the afternoon, her red-rimmed eyes evidence of where she'd spent her morning.

"Oh, Cap'n " she cried, leaning down to hug him tightly, "I know River'll be just fine. Simon's with her now, ain't he?"

"Yes, mei mei. He's seein' to her." Mal's voice was flat and expressionless.

"When'd y'all get sick?" she asked, noting how haggard the whole lot of them looked.

Zoe quietly told her the chain of events. Kaylee filled them in on the progression of the illness on Harvest. "Most every family's lost somebody. Usually the young'uns of the old folks." Kaylee's eyes welled with tears. "Lucy Ann's babies weren't more'n three months."

Mal pulled her into a hug. Concentrating on keeping his voice steady, he asked, "And what about people in between, Kaylee?"

"Oh, they usually start to get better after eight of ten days. I got sick day after ya' left, and I'm right much better now."

"What kinda drugs they give you?" Zoe asked.

"Weren't no drugs, 'ceptin' somethin' for the fever. They ain't got a drug for the sickness, on account of they don't know what it is yet."

"Just know that it's contagious enough to warrant a quarantine," Zoe observed.

"Yup. They're just plannin' on waintin' it out 'til there ain't no new cases reported and everyone's on the mend."

As Kaylee was speaking, Simon came up behind the group. Noting the bleak look in his eyes, Mal felt his heart begin to hammer dangerously in his chest.

"Doc?" he said past the lump in his throat.

"She's stable, but non-responsive. I've given her fever-reduction meds and started IB fluids but that's all there is to give her. I'm hopeful that when the fever comes down, she'll wake up, but there's nothing to do at this point but wait."

"So, she's, like, in a coma?" Jayne asked.

"No," Simon answered. "The scan revealed that there is sufficient brain activity to suggest she's conscious on some level."

"I don't understand, doc. If she's conscious, why ain't she respondin'?" Mal's voice held a plea.

"There are different levels of consciousness. Her scans indicate activity consistent with dreaming or hallucinating. It's better than a coma," he said, hoping to provide some comfort for Mal.

"How?" Mal asked.

"It's better because if she's aware on some level, she can fight to get back to us." Simon's voice cracked. "And my sister's got a lot of fight in her."

"That she does, Simon. Is there anything else we can give her to help her fight?"

Simon sighed wearily. "No, there's nothing else. And even if there were, I'd hesitate to give it because…"He paused, hating the next news he had to deliver. "Because I'm afraid it might harm the baby."

Mal's eyes widened in horror. "What are you sayin'?"

"She's pregnant, Mal."

To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

**Measure of a Man**

**Part IV—The Decision**

Author: justslummin

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters.

Rating: T

Summary: River battles for her life, and Mal faces a difficult decision.

XXXXX

"She's pregnant, Mal."

Mal felt as if he were hearing the words from a great distance. Unable to form speech, he stood silent. The others looked from him to Simon in shock, not sure how to respond to this newest development.

Zoe was the first to break the silence. "Captain," she said calmly, "We'll be leavin' you and Simon to suss out things. Me and Jayne'll take Kaylee on back to her folks' house."

Mal blinked slowly, and nodded his head in agreement. "'Spect that's best."

As the crew rose away in the mule, Simon reached into his pocket. "I brought you these. They should bring your fever down and help with the headache."

Mal took them and swallowed them down dry. "When can I see her?"

"Now that the scans are done, there's no reason she has to stay here. I can monitor her from anywhere."

"She gonna wake up, Simon?"

"I don't know, Mal. With the added stress on her body from the pregnancy, it's…problematic."

"You sayin' she'd have a better chance if'n she weren't carryin' my child?" The raw emotion in Mal's voice made Simon wince.

"I can't say that with certainty, Mal. I can only say," Simon swallowed thickly, "If she doesn't wake up when her fever breaks, there will be decisions to be made."

Mal squared his shoulders. "Then, let's hope it don't come to that, doc."

XXXXX

Discovering quickly that the port authorities were adamant in their refusal to even let the crew stay onboard Serenity while landlocked, Mal and Simon were escorted by Alliance officers as they gathered the needed medical supplies to care for River, and personal items for the rest of the crew.

The Frye family, despite their own tragic losses, opened their home once again to Serenity's crew. Mrs. Frye insisted that River be taken back to the cabin, where there would be adequate room for the monitors and IV stand to be placed beside her bed. "it'll be quiet-like too," she assured Mal, squeezing his arm in sympathy. "A good place to heal up."

Simon busied himself with various dials and IV drips, explaining to Mal what each thing was for and how to read the monitors when he himself was unable to be there. Mal, noting all the information with careful attention, waited for Simon to finish. "Any questions?" Simon asked after the lengthy instructions.

Mal cleared his throat. "None about the set-up," he began. "But about River, a lot. How far along is she?"

"About seven weeks, by my estimate."

"Is she in any pain?"

"No. It doesn't appear so."

"Can she hear us?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure. To be safe, I'd say yes."

Mal thought for a long moment. "That's all I need to ask right now then."

Simon nodded, seeing all the other questions clearly in Mal's troubled eyes.

XXXXX

River's fever broke the next morning, and there was an air of expectation in the little cabin. But as the day turned into night, hope that she would awaken began to fade.

Lighting a lantern, Mal handed it to Simon, saying," You may as well go on back and get some sleep, Simon. I'll come and get you if'n there's any change."

Defeated, Simon nodded his acquiescence. "I'll be back first thing in the morning." And he made his way slowly into the woods.

Mal watched the light of the lantern disappear into the trees. Then, crossing to where River lay, he sat down gently on the bed.

"I need you to listen to me, bao bei. You gotta come back from wherever you are. I love you, River, and I got no notion to lose you to somethin' like this. Simon says there's to be a little one. Think of it, darlin', a little one part you and part me. He says there's things to be decided, but I need you with me to do that. You promised you'd hold me safe, bao bei, and I ain't feelin' so safe right now. I know you're tired, but you gotta come back to me."

He looked down at her still form, and listened intently for any answer from her mind. And though he couldn't be certain, he imagined he felt the slightest whisper of an answer skim along the surface of his thoughts. Careful not to jostle her, he lay beside her to sleep.

XXXXX

"It appears there was no change in the night," Simon said, bringing Mal breakfast the next morning.

"And what does that mean for her prospects, doc?" Mal asked, picking at the food on his plate.

"It means, Captain, that we're one day closer to having to decide what's to be done," Simon said, anger edging into his tone.

Setting down his fork, Mal pushed the plate away. He stood to face Simon.

"And what exactly do you think that decision should be, Simon?"

"I think that River's health comes first. I think that this strain on her body's resources is unnecessary and dangerous. I think we should do something about it before it's too late." Simon lost the small control he'd had. "And I think you should have thought about the potential danger before you started rutting with my sister."

Mal had an immense desire to break every bone in Simon's pretty face. Nostrils flaring, he forced his fists to unclench. When he spoke, his voice was low and deadly. "Do you think for one minute that I'd have laid a hand on her if I had known this would happen?"

Simon, having crossed the line, found himself unable to step back. "I don't know, Captain," he hissed fiercely. "But I do know people I care about end up dead because of your decisions."

Mal's fist connected solidly with Simon's face, and Simon's world went black.

XXXXX

When Simon regained consciousness, he saw Mal sitting on the edge of River's bed rubbing the swollen knuckles on his right hand. There was something so broken in the set of his shoulders that all Simon's previous fury deserted him.

Getting to his feet, Simon walked stiffly over to the bed. "How's the fist?" he asked.

"Stings a mite. How's the face?"

"The same, sad to say." Simon stood looking down at River. "Still no change?"

"She was crying earlier," Mal said, guilt apparent in his tone.

"Probably just an automatic reaction to drying eyes," Simon said kindly.

"I'd like to think so, doc, but the timin's sort of suspicious. The two men she cares most about comin' to blows over her sickbed can't have been very therapeutic, I'm thinkin'." He chose his next words as carefully as he could. "If we were to choose to take the baby to give River a better chance, what do you think she'd do when she wakes up?"

Simon sighed. "I'd hope that she'd realize that the choice was made because we value her and because, when she recovers, she can have other children."

Mal shook his head sadly. "I think you're wrong, Simon. I think that if we kill the baby, River will never forgive either of us. I think knowing saving her caused the death of this child would destroy her. And I conjure that would be a worse kind of death. For all of us."

"So you've decided then," Simon said.

"I'm askin' ya' to give River more time to come back," Mal said. "She's in there somewhere, and I know she's fightin'. She's stronger than you think."

Simon bowed his head. "All right, Mal. I'll take this leap of faith with you, but I reserve the right to re-visit this decision if there continues to be no change."

Realizing an acceptable compromise when he heard one, Mal accepted.

XXXXX

The quarantine dragged on, effectively halting the loves of Serenity's crew in some hellish state of limbo. Simon and Mal spent their days watching over River, relieved when they could stand no more by Kaylee and Zoe. Jayne helped Mr. Frye begin to care again for his land, as the sickness had left him too weak to care for all the tasks alone. Since most of the townspeople were still reeling from their losses, Mr. Frye's sons were able to see to the meager work that trickled in to Mr. Frye's repair shop. And Mrs. Frye, in her typical manner, made sure everything ran as smoothly as she could manage.

Toward the end of their fourth week on Harvest, Mal sent Simon back to Kaylee with strict instructions to rest until the morning. Finally alone with River, he nestled close to her, resting his hand across the skin of her belly. He discerned the slightest rounding there. For just a moment, he felt intense joy at this living testament to the love he felt for this woman. However, on the heels of that joy came the doubt and worry that had become inextricably linked with this new life.

"Wake up, bao bei," he whispered against her ear. "We need to talk." Expecting and receiving no answer, he fell into a restless sleep beside her.

XXXXX

He was awakened by the sensation of a warm, wet stickiness seeping into his trouser leg. The cabin was dark, so he fumbled to find a light, his hands shaking in sudden panic. When the lamp was finally lit, he held it up over the bed.

The sight made him abruptly dizzy with alarm. River was lying in a rapidly-expanding pool of blood, pale as death. He ran to get a towel, jamming it frantically between her legs, and watched in horror as it quickly became saturated. Screaming in anguish, he ran the mile back through the woods and to the clearing beside the Frye's home as quickly as his shaky legs could manage. Bellowing for Simon, he turned back toward the cabin as soon as the lights began to come on in the house.

When Simon appeared at the door of the cabin, he saw a distraught Mal working to stem the tide of River's blood. Pushing him roughly aside, Simon began to work, calling out terse instructions as he went. When he had finally slowed the bleeding down to a trickle, he and Mal stood back, exhausted by the trauma. Kaylee, Jayne, and Zoe stood anxiously in the doorway, horrified by the bloody tableau.

After all the violent commotion, the stillness was profound. Moving through a haze of grief, Mal began to clean up the scene. When Kaylee moved to help him, he stopped her short.

"Leave," he said, his voice aching and desperate. "Please." At the sound of it, River opened her eyes.

To be continued


	5. Chapter 5

**Measure of a Man**

**Part V—The Awakening**

Author: justslummin

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters.

Rating: T

Summary: Reeling form loss, Mal struggles to bring River back to him.

XXXXX

Mal stood, transfixed by the sight of River's open eyes. Simon quickly cleared the room, telling Zoe he'd call if they were needed. He returned to River's side and looked down into her vacant expression. A small, cold sliver of dread chilled his heart.

"River," he asked, his voice deceptively calm, "can you hear me?" There was no response.

Mal, released from his trance, leaned forward. Urgently, he asked, "Bao bei, are you here?"

River blinked slowly, and for just a moment, Mal saw her beneath the surface of her blank face. Then, there was nothing.

"She' still altered," Simon stated flatly. "Maybe the shock of the blood loss, maybe something else.." His words tapered off vaguely.

Mal took River's frail hand in his own. "River," he said, a fierce need in his voice, "I want you to open your eyes. Open your eyes."

He was rewarded by the gently flutter of her eyelids as she tried to comply. "She's here, doc," Mal said, pinning all his hopes on the small movement.

"We'll have to wait and see, Mal," Simon said. He wished he had Mal's certainty.

XXXXX

"So, she lost the baby," Mrs. Frye said, shaking her head sadly. "That's a real pity, on top of every other thing."

Zoe nodded. "But her eyes were open when we left, so I'm thinkin' that's a good sign."

"Bound to be," Kaylee agreed, pushing away thoughts of the child lost to focus on River's progress.

"Good timin' too," Jayne added. "We'll be needin' her to fly us off this here rock soon's the quarantine's lifted. I heard talk down at the docks today that it won't be more'n a week now."

Zoe was surprised. "Even with the outbreask on Paquin?"

"aaliance docs said they's still tryin' to figure how it's spreading out that far," Jayne acknowledged. "But seein' as how there's been no new outbreaks here, they'll likely be movin' on to see to the Paquin folk soon."

"I ain't so sure she'll be ready to do any flyin' that quick," Zoe said, bringing the conversation back around to their immediate concerns. "River looked awful frail lyin' in that bed."

"Simon'll fix her up right as rain, now she's awke," Kaylee said, her faith in the man shining through.

XXXXX

Newly bathed, River lay on fresh linens staring blankly at the ceiling. Mal, having changed his own blood-soaked clothes, sat by her side studying her face.

"What's going on with her now, Simon?" he asked quietly. "Why ain't she talkin' now she's awake?"

"I'm not positive 'awake' is the right term," Simon began. "You remember what I said to you earlier about levels of consciousness. She may simply be on another level now. But her slight response to you is a good sign, a sign that she's progressing."

"You think she knows about the baby?" Mal asked bleakly.

"I hope not," Simon answered truthfully. "that kind of emotional upset added to the physical trauma could cause a psychotic break of some sort. It could be devastating at this point."

Mal nodded. Devastating sounded about right, he thought, trying to numb the wave of grief threatening to overwhelm him.

"What can we do now?" He hated the hopelessness in his own voice.

"Wait."

XXXXX

Unseen by anyone, River began her slow journey back to Mal, fighting through layers of nightmare and delusion, the presence of their child ripped from her cruelly, and grief building a wall she couldn't quite scale. She needed strength she didn't have yet. She would have to wait.

XXXXX

Zoe sat at the table of the cabin, talking quietly with Mal in the early morning hour. "Landlock's over sir. Quarantine's been lifted. We're free to go. Anywhere but Paquin. Don't know how we'll deliver that cargo waitin' in the hold."

Mal looked up sharply. "Why can't it be dlivered to Paquin?"

"The sickness has spread there somehow. It's been under quarantine for about a month, accordin' to the cortex."

Mal realized that Zoe had no idea they'd even been to Paquin, remembering those horrible days when his crew had been delirious with fever. "How many dead?" he asked hoarsely.

"'Bout twenty at last report. Medics got there sooner this time. Controlled the outbreak by enforcing the quarantine planetwide."

'Twenty', Mal thought. 'Twenty more bodies to add to my count.' He felt ill at the thought.

"You okay sir?" Zoe asked, noting his sudden pallor.

Seeing no need to burden her, he answered, "Just a mite tired, Zoe. Nothin' to trouble yourself about."

"So," Zoe said, getting back to the subject at hand, "What's the plan, sir?"

"Sell the cargo to the highest bidder," Mal replied automatically.

Zoe looked at him peculiarly. "Ain't the folks on Paquin paid us already?"

Chagrined to realize he'd forgotten, Mal said, "Fine, then deliver it to Paquin when the quarantine is lifted."

"Sir," Zoe said, taking time to consider the words carefully, "There some reason you're talkin' like you ain't plannin' to do the delivery yourself?"

Running his hands through his hair, he leaned forward to look at Zoe directly. "I can't so this, Zoe. I can't be the man River needs right now and the Captain of Serenity at the same time. And I can't be askin' the crew to stay and wait on a train that might not come."

Zoe drew a deep breath. "Are you askin' me to leave you here/"

They looked at each other steadily, each aware that this moment was one they could never have envisioned. Finally, Mal spoke. "I'm askin' ya' to look to my ship and my crew. Not permanent-like, but 'til I can get River back on her feet again. No one else in the 'verse I'd ask."

Zoe nodded, acknowledging the layers of friendship and trust between them. "We'll leave come mornin'. You call us back when you're ready." And standing, she walked out without a backward glance.

XXXXX

As had become their morning routine, Mal settled River into a chair facing the sun. On good days, she would turn her face toward the light, and a small smile might slip through. Other days she would sit passively, staring out at nothing Mal could see.

Sighing, Mal noted that today was one of the latter. After his conversation with Zoe, he wasn't sure how much more he could take, and he still had to somehow persuade Simon to leave with Serenity tomorrow. A ship such as theirs needed a medic, a fact he'd not soon forget after their last trip. And River was improving enough he knew she was in no physical danger. Her mental state, however, was another matter entirely. And yet he felt, in a wild optimism foreign to his normal way, that he, and not Simon, held the key to her recovery. So, he braced himself for the confrontation he knew would come.

True to form, Simon arrived, bringing baked goods from Mrs. Frye designed to tempt a response from River. He was disappointed when none came.

"Just leave them there, Simon," Mal said easily. "She may decide she'd like some later."

"Does she really ever do that?" Simon asked, frustration barely contained.

"On the odd occasion," Mal answered.

"Why does she never respond to me?" The hurt in Simon's eyes made Mal ache in sympathy.

"She will when she's ready," he replied as gently as possible. "Maybehaps she only has the energy to deal with one of us at a time, and I'm louder than you are."

Simon smiled thinly. "Are you suggesting yelling as a therapeutic device?"

"If'n I thought it might work, I'd try it." Mal decided there would be no better time to address the issue at hand. "Simon," he said seriously, "I got somethin' needs sayin' and I'd ask ya' to hear me out."

"All right," Simon said, curious.

"I'm thinkin' that River ain't quite ready to go back to the Black. This place is nice and peaceful-like, and Mr. Frye has agreed to let her stay here awhile. But Serenity can't stay docked forever, and it's time for the crew to start earnin' their keep again. So, Serenity leaves here in the mornin'."

When Mal paused for breath, Simon said, "I understand, Captain. Ship's got to sail and crew's got to work. I'll move my things out here this afternoon. You needn't worry about River. I'll take care of her."

Mal looked at him in surprise. "That ain't at all what I meant, doc. I'm gonna be stayin' here with my wife and I need you back on the ship with my crew."

Simon's mouth fell open. "You honestly think I'd leave my own sister here? Alone with you?"

"I don't much like your tone, doctor," Mal said, all too aware of River sitting within earshot. Trying for calm, he added, "I ain't leavin' her. She's respondin' some to me, and we'll not be doin' anything to make things go pear-shaped now. And, if'n you recall, I made a vow right here on this world that I would love and cherish her always. Ain't aimin' to break my word anytime soon. As for what you do, I can't speak to that. You got a right to do as you please. But I'd ask ya' to consider Zoe and Jayne. They're like to be needin' your services more'n River at this point. And I'd remind ya' to think on Kaylee. 'Spect she'll be needin' ya' too."

"What if River gets worse?"

"Ain't gonna happen, but if it does, Mr. Frye says there's a decent doctor half a day's ride from here. And there's a public cortex down at the docks. I'll be wavin' from time to time, if'n we stay a long while."

"But you know nothing about psychotherapy," Simon protrsted.

"Maybehaps that's so." Mal's blue eyes burned brightly. "But I know River."

The men stood face to face, frozen in the moment of decision. Seeing a faint waver in Simon's gaze, Mal tried one last argument. "I need you on my ship, Simon. I can do what I need to do here, if I know you're there. Dong ma?"

Simon turned and walked the short distance to River. Resting his hands on the arms of her chair, he said, "River, do you want me to stay or go?" Her big brown eyes, once so expressive, gave him no answer.

XXXXX

The next morning Mal took pains to brush River's hair smooth and shiny and get her into a fresh dress. "Gotta try and be presentable today, bao bei. We're sendin' our folk back to the Black. I conjure they'll be coming to day their good-byes."

River din;t move, but Mal could sense that she was listening. "Told 'em we were gonna stay here awhile, maybehaps get that honeymoon we missed." He kissed her forehead softly, and was pleased to note the faintest flush come to her cheeks.

When the crew arrived, the leave-taking was a sad affair. Kaylee, who so wanted everything to be shiny, hugged Mal and kissed River repeatedly until Jayne made a rude remark that broke the cycle. Jayne gruffly shook Mal's hand and told the wall somewhere behind River's head good-bye. Zoe, rolling her eyes at Jayne's utter lack of grace, squeezed River's hand and told her that she'd look after the crew in River's absence. Then, she pulled Mal aside for a private moment, while Simon whispered his sorrowful good-byes to his baby sister.

Mal watched his crew head out into the woods. After a time, he sw Serenity, sunlight glinting off her dies, leaving him and the world behind. The sight filled him with a terrible longing, which he ruthlessly suppressed. He walked quickly back to the cabin, where River sat, eyes turned to the sky.

XXXXX

Mal lay down beside River, exhausted beyond reason. He couldn't seem to make his body sleep without the horrible nightmares returning full force. Flashes of his men in Serenity Valley, skeletal hands grasping his ankles as they moaned in pain and fear; the dispassionate voice of BlueSun relentlessly questioning through blinding pain; River laying white against a sea of red; Wash speared through while Zoe's voice pleaded; body bags stacked on Paquin at his feet; and through it all the sound of a baby;s wailing cry.

And if he did sleep, he thought bitterly, he would only awaken to find River still absent, still locked in whatever hell she had stumbled into. So, he lay, eyes closed and mind aching, through the long nights.

XXXXX

River, however, did dream. She saw a young boy with Mal's eyes and her impish grin, killed a thousand times over by her own blade. She saw Mal, lost and alone, wandering through some thick fog she couldn't penetrate. She opened her mouth to call to him, but now sound would come. Blue hands dragged her back to freezing rooms filled with surgical trays; she stood surrounded by screaming Reavers; she saw Mal die time and time again; saw the little boy reach arms out to her for safety, to die in a myriad different ways. Begging for oblivion, she got a burning Haven swing instead, and Mal's horrible eyes upon seeing it burned. She felt the stickiness of blood between her legs, and heard the anguish in Mal's cry at the sight. And she tried desperately to wake up.

XXXXX

As River's physical strength returned, Mal led her on long walks in the woods and through the countryside of Harvest. It was much like Shadow had been, and Mal talked to her about growing up in such a place. But, he found that venturing too far into his own childhood brought him perilously close to dwelling on the child he and River had lost, and he would fall silent, swallowed up in the cruel jaws of grief.

On occasion they would go to the docks when Mal could no longer resist the need to check on Serenity and her crew. The wave was always bittersweet, reminding Mal of the life waiting for them if River could only make it back to him somehow.

And River, fighting so desperately to break through the walls imprisoning her, remained silent. Time dragged on.

XXXXX

Mal awoke, startled out of sleep by River's hands roaming along his body, creating an aching need that he barely remembered. In all the time they had been there, she had not once reached to touch him, and his heart quickened at her newfound initiative.

But making out her face in the moonlight, he saw that her eyes were closed as he climbed atop him. Grasping with demanding hands and jerking movements, she began to ride him frantically, as if in this way she could expel the demons that haunted them both. Eyes squeezed shut, her tear spilled onto Mal's chest. He lay still beneath her, letting her take as she needed, until finally, her motions stilled and she turned away, leaving him bruised and raw beside her. Pulling her gently to his chest, he held her as shuddering sobs ripped through her body. Exhausted, they eventually slept.

XXXXX

Mal was standing at the docks on Paquin, bodies surrounding him, fever-glazed eyes staring up at him in reproach. And looking down, he saw a baby, limp and covered in blood, resting in River's arms. He woke up.

River moved restlessly beside him. "S'okay, bao bie," he whispered. "Go back to sleep."

But instead, she turned to him, eyes focused finally on his face, and rasped, "Not your fault, ai ren . Couldn't have known what would happen." And she wrapped her arms around him, clinging to his warmth.

"River," Mal whispered low against her ear, "are you here/"

"Yes, ai ren. I'm here." She lifted her eyes to meet his again.

"I've missed you, bao bei," Mal said, his voice cracking with the intensity of emotion.

"Have to sleep now. So tired," she said, her words drifting off as slumber came again.

XXXXX

Just before dawn, River awakened again to see Mal staring down at her. "You still here, darlin'?" he asked, hope etched in his eyes.

"I'm here."

"Where have you been?" Mal asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"Was with Sam," River replied.

Mal looked at her in concern. "Sam?"

River began to cry softly. "Our son, Mal. We had a son."

Tears filled Mal's eyes as well. "You knew about the baby?"

"Could hear him. Could see what he would have been. Your eyes, my smile. Beautiful and quick like lightning. Strong, but not enough."

She curled herself into Mal's arms. "Couldn't hold him safe. Couldn't fight the enemy. Sacrificed in the battle. I'm sorry, ai ren."

Mal could barely speak in the raw flood of grief that poured from his heart. "Not your fault, bao bei. One more terrible thing that just happened. No one's fault."

River reached up to wipe the tears that spiked Mal's lashes. "I want to go home, Mal. Please take me home."

Mal nodded, unable to speak. And they lay entwined, their fractured hearts beating in time, one with the other, gathering strength for the long road ahead.

The End

Author's Note: It has been said that the measure of a man is the compassion of his conscience and the depth of his devotion. Hence the title of this series. Obviously, Mal and River face major issues here, but that is a story for another day. Thanks for sticking with the story to its conclusion. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it, and I'd like to request that you leave feedback, positive, negative, or indifferent, so that I may have some idea about your opinion. Thanks again


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